would you let marijuana come between your marriage?

how old do you have to be to get medicinal marijuana I severely messed up knee?
September 2, 2010
marijuana growing from seeds to mature females(Time lapse).
September 2, 2010
marijuana jokes
Cortney N asked:

ok, please no pot jokes because this is very serious to me. I have been married for 9 yrs. and have 4 children w/ my husband. He was a habitual marijuana smokers since we met (and i did not know, i was 18 and dumb). He quit about 2 years ago for good. But now, he is doing it again. I have seen what a difference it makes in his personality. He is mean, jealous, vicious temper, unmotiviated and selfish when he does this. I do not want my kids around this as they get older, or even now. I have never smoked, drank, or did any drugs, so we are like night and day. He constantly lies about doing it, but all the signs are there, both in him, and actual concrete evidence. I feel like he is destroying our marriage and he thinks its a big joke. Am i blowing this out of porportion? I do not wantto be married to a pot head! i don’t agree with this and i thin it is gross, as well as illegal.
I just wanted to add, you answer some of the questions some of you had…he has beening doing it since he was about 18….he’s 36 now (i’m 28). His WHOLE one side of his family are pot heads. he runs his own business with his cousin who does it as well. He is so mean in the morning, blowing up at me for anything, then about an hour after he leaves for work, he calls very apologetic (because I know he smoked and is calm now). the weekends he is a bear because he can’t smoke. At his worst (the first 5+ yrs. of our marriage) he would smoke about $100 worth per week. It is truly disgusting!
hj, i said both evidence, concrete included. this was actual marijuana in his truck. i have found blunt wrappers, marijuana remnants, red eye drops, breath mint and gum like he is opening up a store, ozium spray along with many other air freshners, recepts for blunt wrappers…..should i continue?


  1. K B says:

    Well, it sounds to me like there is more to it than just pot. I can see the unmotivated part, but I’ve never seen it bring out meaness or bad tempers in people. Many people can function normally and be very successful when they smoke pot. It sounds to me like a little further digging may be needed to find out if there is more involved.

    You’re right, something like this shouldn’t break up a marriage and if the two of you let it, it probably means that one or the other of you is using it as an excuse instead of finding out the real reason.

  2. W.J.J says:

    of course weed makes you cool not a wife

  3. Steve C says:

    Drug use is a legitimate reason for divorce, because people can become addicted and it affects everything they do. You have the right to ask him to stop, and the right to seek separation if he refuses. If he prefers drugs to your love, that says a great deal about his level of addiction.

  4. ben N says:

    yes he can get fired and hell lose his job the kids might find it and smoke it and lead to domestic violence.

  5. SayWhatBT says:

    Ugh screw weed get him to stop

  6. Mr Big B says:

    I quit 2 years ago though it was never mood changing for me I quit because I wanted to please Jehovah and become a Witness when I learned from the Bible. I have never touched it since and never miss it.

  7. Mercedes<3 says:

    well you definently need to get him help or something to make him OFFICIALLY stop. you are right, kids dont need to be around that. but he needs to get some type of help.

  8. trakstar64 says:

    Leave with your kids somewhere else and if he does not shape up and stop smoking leave him.

  9. BEBE_EYEZ says:

    Well it should be if he’s not hurting or even making anyone feel bad. BUT in this case it is so I would talk to him about it and if he doesn’t listen…ADIOS it is easy to say but think about your kids….please….be brave on anything you decide to do. =)

  10. T Leeves says:

    You married the man who smokes pot. What did you expect?
    He won’t change unless he wants to. Pressuring him will only make the problem worse.

  11. Anna says:


    you need to go and sit down with him and tell him” i do not feel safe with u around the kids and have smoked pot if u dont stop witch i’m hoping u do i will have to leave”

    and if i were u i would say those words

  12. Dan says:

    Make him get into a program because he is obviously an addict

  13. JLee says:

    I would get divorced if he doesnt stop because 1 thing leads 2 another and things can get worse.

  14. The It Girl ∆☻乐 says:

    You now have your head on straight. Do the right thing for the kids and yourself – try to get him to seek help.

  15. Scoped assassin says:

    try to talk to him. if all doesnt work u gotta do what you gotta do.

  16. bettyboo says:

    Hes not being an equal parent or partner to you so yes, your right to be worried about the effect its having on your marriage. He needs to grow up, how would he feel if it was the other way round? Not happy I bet

    I think marijuana makes people stupid, seriously, I see the damage it does long term, its no joke

  17. Oliver Natividad says:

    Talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel and how serious you are about it. Help him find the cause of his problems and face it together. Separation should be the last resort. At least if all fails, you’ve given your best.

  18. Heather B says:

    If it isnt something you feel you want to be around, or deal with….then I say let him know. I would tell him that he is either going to stop using…..or you and the kids are leaving.

    If that isnt enough to make him give up the habit….then obviously it is more important to him then keeping his family together.

    Dont settle

  19. Armygrl_23 says:


  20. luvlisteningtomusic says:

    If this was alcohol people would be saying he is an alcoholic. He needs help. It is not like he does pot every once in awhile it is everyday. He is using this drug for comfort and it is taking a toll on your marriage. You cannot be a good parent when you are under the influence of pot. I use to be in your situation with my first husband. I was young and as a got older I started wising up however he stayed the same. He has a problem and is teaching his children that when you have a problem spark up a joint. I bet the people who give me thumbs down are pot heads lol.

  21. Gravy B says:

    Divorce is the worst option you can make, unless there’s abuse or infidelity. Remember your “for better or for worse” vow? Well, now it’s time to live up to it. I seriously recommend good pastoral counseling. He’ll never quit becuase you want him to. Only when he wants to.

  22. soccer says:

    You need to sit down and actually tell him how this makes you feel. This can and will become dangerous to you and your kids. Get some info off the web or books to back you opinion up. Best of luck, remember you can get out if you want to!!

  23. Violet says:

    You are not blowing it out of proportion. It means a lot to you that you are not marrieds to a druggie and that your children are not around them, If he really loved you then that should be reason enough to quit and stay quit. If he insists on doing it then i would leave him. Whether people want to admit or believe it-it really is a bad environment for children. I know because I lived with it and had to deal with all my other dads druggie friends-who most weren’t really his friends after all, they just wanted his pot.

  24. @nim@l Lover says:

    You should try to find a rehab for him that specializes in drugs. Send your kids to their relatives and try to get this figured out. Dont ever get the kids in between this or use them as a threat. Understand, he needs help and your the one to do it!

  25. kay says:

    no u r defiantly nt blowing this out of proportion if he comes to the point of being physically aggressive then there is no reason for it he shouldn’t have it around u and the kids anyway it completely wrong

  26. Just ask me now! says:

    I would get him as much help as I could, wheather its from rehab, yours/his parents, friends, reliogon leader or anything. Warn him that you might walk out on him and if he really loves you, he will change. But thats for you to decide. But, you need to understand, hes addicted, he doesnt have “it”, “it” has him. It runs in my family too and its hard to stay away from it, but he can conquer it.

  27. pixieturtle23 says:

    No you are not, I dont think. I wouldnt want my kids around it either, plus as you said its Illegal..I dont know why people think they need it.. Guess we’ll never know because we dont smoke it.
    Im really unsure what you can say or do about it though..Good Luck..but in no way are you wrong, in my opinion.

  28. j p says:

    I wouldn’t let it ruin my marriage. Tell him you have to sit down and talk and make politely explain your points. He needs to know that it is not a healthy environment for you or your kids. Don’t tell him to either stop or you are leaving, you’re not their yet and its not good to give an ultimatum. Also, ask him if he is willing to see a therapist, whether its alone or with you. He is using the pot to cope with something. See if you can figure out what it is and try and help. Good luck.

  29. MeiGuoRen says:

    Pot makes him mean and vicious? Are you sure he’s not doing OTHER things? I’m usually too chillaxed to be mean when I’m baked.

    Well, lay it on the line, tell him what you told us. And give him an ultimatum. It’s the drugs or the family.

  30. nosillenhoj says:

    Give him an ultimatum.

  31. ~*Sarah*~ says:

    boot his ass out the door! obviously he wasn’t ready to grow up. If someone found out he was doing drugs, and called CPS you guys could get your kids taken from you and you don’t want that. Ask him if he really loves his kids and then ask him to stop for their sake. I wouldn’t put my son at risk for anything at all.

    I told my fiance when I was pregnant to go out and have his “fun” now because after the baby was born that was it, and if I ever suspected of him doing it again I would kick his ass out! We haven’t had any problems so far.

  32. BluesFan1980 says:

    Its hard to say I know alot of people who do it and myself and they are married and have kids in there 30’s and 40’s and its just fine. I guess if it really effects him that way im not saying leave him but see if he can quit again. But i have been around that stuff a long time and never seen anyone act like that. Its more of a calming drug that should be legalized In my belief they could regulate it like everything else

  33. franja says:

    If he cares more for his pot than for his wife and children – then he doesn’t deserve either!

    Leave him to smoke himself to death… or stay and let him take your children with him… your choice!

    (but I would politely suggest you do the former!)

  34. Brigit B says:

    You are not blowing it out of porportion. If you feel it is the best thing to do than leave. I honestly think that because you are staying with him not only is he being a bad example but so are you. You are letting him walk all over you. You need to show your children what to do in that type of situation. If thier bf was a marijuana smoker would you want your child to stay with him especially when they are violent? I think not. Do what is right for both you and your children, leave him. If he truely cares then he’ll stop and maybe you can work it out.

  35. Amy says:

    You are definitely not blowing it out of proportion.
    I was suprised to see this posted, because I am in a relationship now (which is about to become an engagement) with a guy who smokes weed. It bothers me, but I haven’t really thought about how it would affect a marriage. I don’t mind if he does it himself, but I don’t want any trouble from it… and my kids will NOT do drugs.
    If at all possible, I would suggest really speaking heart 2 heart with him about it, or try some sort of counseling? I look forward to reading the best answer for your question, though. Saved me the time to post this question. Good Luck. and stay strong in your values/views.

  36. Angela M. R. says:

    I was in the same situation. Don’t nag him about it, because he’s just not going to listen or laugh it off. If you think it’s something you can tolerate for your kids, then do it. If you know that you can’t… well make him choose! Make sure that you are prepared to hear the worst and hope for the best. good luck!

  37. BIG B says:

    I think you should get your children and every thing you own and get out because if you dont you or those children could get seriously hurt and tell him that you are not coming back until he is done for good and no going back to it and if he realy loves you he will do it but if no devorce him and take half of every thing and go on living your life with yous children and without him good luck and do the right thing!!!

  38. Sammi Jack says:

    I smoke Marijuana…I’m not addicted to it…I don’t necessarily need it. However, I truly believe that it can become an addictive drug. It can turn into something that you NEED. It sounds to me, that your husband is obviously in that stage. He’s been doing it for a long time and I wouldn’t count on it for him to stop….but you’re the one that really knows him. Perhaps talking to him might work… My mom left my dad when I was 3 because my dad was totally consumed by pot. If I were in your shoes…I would split only because I wouldn’t want my 4 children to be exposed to it…I hope this helps a little. Good luck love.

  39. abiss says:

    ok the things u described mean ,jealous,vicious temper ain’t no mary jane episode sorry u have the wrong drug and I am serious get a hair sample from his brush and test it…pot does not make people into vicious mean people…meth..pill’s,alchol, or all of these mixed…maybe u r dumber than u though and just thought pot was all he was doing….

  40. mona d says:

    sounds like hes doing something other than weed.
    its supposed to mellow you out! idk….talk to him. give him an ultimatum. in my opinon drugs are drugs no matter what…dont let your kids around this or thell think its ok to do it.

  41. flynny6951 says:

    Are we talking about coke here? o yeah no its only weed. i cant imagine weed does that to him. i smoke just to relax is that a crime? people die every year in alcohol related accidents. whether its drinking an driving or an overdose? no ones has ever overdosed on weed.

  42. Halen says:

    i think you should consider what your husband is going through. all he wants to do is smoke pot and it’s now a huge deal that’s coming between you both. i know that you won’t like me saying this, but it’s just weed. it’s the best possible option for him to choose when in comparison to other mind-altering substances, other than refraining, of course. but hey, everybody’s got something…or, generally, most people do…maybe not you. but most have got a way to escape and relax, whether it’s drinking, smoking pot, smoking a cigarette, having sex, or whatever. if he wants to smoke pot then let him feel free to do so, and that way maybe things will settle down. he is a grown man and weed is a silly thing to get so stressed out about. marijuana isn’t as scary/dangerous/intense as you may think.

  43. hollister12cali says:

    Marijuana is very dangerous, and may not only affect your husband’s health, but may soon affect your children’s health as well. You need to talk to your husband, and get help for him. A drug rehabilitation center is always open for people in desperate need of help. The sooner you get help, the better off your family will be. You may be able to save your marriage if you talk to a rehab center. It may sound harsh to think that someone you love is going to have to take these actions to help themself, but marijuana is deadly, and the sooner you take action, the better off your husband will be. Please get help.

  44. dmnyco says:

    Illegal drug use is just the same as alcoholism. You have a right to expect him to stop – for the sake of his job, your marriage & your children. I hope that it all works out for you.

  45. Stephanie S says:

    tell him he needs to stop drugs change people personalitys with out them realizing it. And this could affect the kids in the future in many ways they might start doing it or loose respect for him. Make him stop or cut back on it maybe if he only does it like once a month he wont be addicted to it and stop

  46. C.B says:

    You are doing well by opposing his behaviour. Your husband is an addict and needs help to quit. If he does not want to quit tell him that he is not welcomed in the family anymore and he should take his pot smoking habit to the street till he decides to clean up his act. His pot smoking behaviour will influence the children for the worst and that you don’t want to happen. For the sake of protecting your kids draw the line.

  47. hj says:

    Personally, I disagree with some of your “evidence.” Having been in both a long term relationship as well as many friendships with individuals who smoke marijuana, I don’t necessarily find the drug to cause jealousy, anger, or violence in people. Lack of motivation, though, you’re right there. Marijuana is a depressant, and a good one at that. It definitely causes changes in a person’s behavior, or lack thereof, and their attitude.

    If you think you can change him, I’d think again. Most people have very strong beliefs as to whether drug use is the life for them, and if its his understanding that he’s better with pot in his life, he’s going to keep on the same road.

    However, I don’t second guess how important this is to you. Being a “good girl,” or so it sounds, the consequences of staying with a man with such behavioral issues are serious. Perhaps you two could consider marriage counseling, a stable environment in which you could discuss your opposing viewpoints on the drug. But it doesn’t sound to me like a situation where compromise is an option. Unless he wants to change, I recommend getting out of this situation immediately.

    Best wishes and good luck!

  48. Jane Marple says:

    There are 3 things I would never negotiate with: Drug use, alcohol abuse and infidelity.

  49. daljack says:

    It’s not marijuana that’s coming between you…..it’s that your husband isn’t respecting you and your family that’s coming between your marriage.

    I would give him an ultimatum…..our marriage or drugs.

    Then you have to be prepared to move on if he picks drugs. What kind of example is this setting for your children.