Is it wrong to leave my husband if he continued to smoke marijuana after he promised to quit?

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September 12, 2010
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September 12, 2010
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podwoman asked:

Before we got married I told my husband that I would not marry him if he continued to smoke marijuana. To this day he still smokes. He quit for close to a month. He must think I am a joke. I have given him an ultimatum, but nothing seems to work. I have even left him for two months because I was so frustrated with everything. Any and all opinions are appreciated.

29 Comments

  1. MomofThree says:

    If it is something like this yes, for one it’s illegal unless in CA and medically necc. for 2 its a drug and a habit why live like this?

  2. Lizet C says:

    LET THE MAN SMOKE MARIJUANA, AT LEAST HE IS NOT SMOKING CIGARRETTES WHICH IS WAY, WAY WORSE THAN MARIJUANA. MARIJUANA IS BAD OFCOURSE BUT C’MON, ATLEAST HE WONT DIE OF CANCER.

  3. Hard Truth says:

    Yes it’s reason enough to leave him.

    I would normally say work with him first or compromise. But there is no compromising about illegal drug use. Especially if he plain refuses to get help or TRY to quit.

    He’s addicted. He refuses to quit. Stop wasting your time and divorce him.

  4. emily says:

    maybe you should try to help him first. maybe get him in some rehab or something, or support group like AA but for marijuana. if that doesn’t work, then it is not wrong. but i think you should make a bit more of an effort to help him to quit.

  5. Wayner says:

    If you made a demand of him before you were married and didn’t follow through, why would he expect you to do it now?

  6. Andie says:

    I dated a guy who couldn’t go a day without it so I can relate to how frustrating being with a pothead can be. The problem you have is that you’ve already given an ultimatum but then went back on it and married him anyway. Now he’s not going to take any new threats you give him seriuosly. And the fact that you left for 2 months and he didn’t even go after you? It sounds like your marriage is half-baked. I would leave him for good. So sad that he would choose weed over his wife. He sounds like a loser and you can do much, much better.

  7. Amanda says:

    Really the choice is up to you, but I’m a strong believer in the idea that you can’t change a person, and ultimately it’s their decision to drop a bad habit.

    I think if you’ve talked to him about this multiple times and he still doesn’t realize how serious you are and how strongly you disagree with his habits, then you should leave him. Give him a wake-up call.

  8. missygal_162002 says:

    girl yes…my husband stopped smoking…u should not have to settle for the bad habits…especially if you decide to have children one day

  9. bella-donna-rossa says:

    opinion?

    obviously he is doing what you asked him to, and he is continuing to smoke marijuana.

    you can’t control him or make him stop…. so honestly, your only choices are a. put up with it or b. don’t and leave him for good.

  10. P1 Rubber Ducky says:

    So let me get this straight. You told him you wouldn’t marry him until he quit but he didn’t so you married him anyway?

    He is not going to quit if you keep giving him mixed signals like that. You should have followed through with what you said in the first place. You knew he was this way yet you were prob in such a rush to get married; you married him in spite of his smoking.

    You can’t make anyone do anything.

    I believe the only reasons for divorce is cheating and abuse everything else can be worked on.

  11. shezionae says:

    The only grounds for divorce is adultery. You need to get some help for him and don’t be a baby and run from the situation. Help him

  12. [DAnCEr.] says:

    you dont deserve that sh** if he loved you more than the drug he would stop smoking it. i think he thinks that since you guies are married now that if he continues to smoke your not going to leave him. you need to find someone that loves you. if he continues and you stay with him i think in the long run it will jus get worse with you guies fighting about it.

  13. Laur says:

    i think you should leave him, because if he doesnt give his habit up for you he obviously doesnt love you enough anyway. you should definitely get on with your life for better experiences
    Goodluck I hope I helped!

  14. LIFES2SHORT2WEARHEELS says:

    You dont follow through on you treats so he could careless.
    I would leave him for so many reasons.
    Follow through on your ultimatums.
    call the cops on him before you get busted on day when a cop finds this stuff at your house. the cops wont buy this isnt mine ”i told him to stop”
    the cop has a job to do the judge rules your story. By then you are in the system and maybe jail until it gets sorted.

    I hope babies are not involved here, the children will suffer so much in more ways then one.
    Good luck. You can do it. You deserve better why cant you see it??

  15. noBSman says:

    Honest answer: I knew a girl who dated a guy for a couple of years. He did pot whenever she wasn’t around. Then, he got comfortable with her, and decided to “be free” with his pot smoking. He let her know he was going into his office to smoke pot and he even introduced her to his dealers. His pot smoking got to be “just another part of the day” and it wasn’t a big deal anymore. Except to her.

    She found him lying about things (who he got his pot from, where he met them, even when he went to get the pot). He also couldn’t stay out for long, because he had to get back home and get his fix. They’d be out eating dinner, and he’d scarf his food down, so that he could get back home and smoke. They couldn’t travel anywhere, because he couldn’t take pot with him in his suitcase or his car. They couldn’t stay long at her family’s house, because he needed to get back home and smoke. He also claimed that no one knew he did it, because his house didn’t reek. YES, IT REEKED. She said that as soon as she got through the door, she could smell the pot and that meant anyone else could. He was losing her fast, and his addiction to pot caused him to have financial problems and also, it caused her to walk away. He finally realized that he made a huge mistake and he was almost suicidal. It was too late, because he lost her to another guy, and he had to file for bankruptcy. She told me that she considers him to be the mistake of her life, and thank god she had the nerve to leave him. She also called him “loser”, “white trash”, “low-life”, and “just plain garbage”. This is the impression I’ve gotten from other people too, regarding people that let pot control their lives. Good luck with your situation. But don’t let yourself be brought down to his level, because you’re believing his crap.

  16. Tyree J says:

    If you can’t beat them … join them. Roll them up and blaze together, it’s fun and romantic.

  17. LindaLoo says:

    Ultimatums that are empty threats accomplish NOTHING. You leaving and then giving in and coming back only show him you don’t mean what you say. He’s like a kid – why should he quit – he doesn’t BELIEVE what you say or threaten.

    You are the one holding all the cards here. Either you mean what you say and you kick him out or LEAVE yourself and DON’T RETURN until he quits for a month or some amount of time – or you put up with it and stop complaining. NO WAY would I put up with it – but you’ve shown him he really doesn’t need to quit cuz you’re still here despite your threats to the contrary… It’s called ENABLING.

    Many people don’t think anything of this HABIT – I think it is stupid, childish and a waste of time and brain power and brain cells! Time to grow up – he got married – time to ACT like a married man!

  18. Missymae says:

    It is hard, if he is anything like mine he will throw in your face if not already that you knew he did this before you got married..yadda yadda yadda. Mine finally “grew up” and i thank god for that. there are other issues in your marriage. try to fix them if not then i dont think it is wrong. good luck

  19. James says:

    Leave him. I think marijuana is different in a way that it does more harm to the brain than cigarettes. Who knows he is not doing coke or meth. If he is an ineffective person because of the habit, and is dependent financially, and maybe socially unusable, you would be better off without him.

  20. Paulo says:

    Are you retarded? Does your husband treat you any different when he gets high? Marijuana is not what you think. He doesn’t need help, he needs his loving wife to let him do that one thing as a reward after a hard day’s work. He is not hurting anybody by smoking and he definitely isn’t doing it to go against your wishes. Do you think he doesn’t love you? Or are you just looking for a reason to get a divorce?

  21. alpha & omega says:

    You confirm the truth that the flaw you see before marriage becomes worse after marriage. It is neither right nor wrong to ditch your husband for that, it goes according to the standard you set in your house. In this life, never give an ultimatum that you cannot back up. you will become a joke and not taken seriously the next time you try to enforce your rules. Most houses have their standards that they cannot force on you but, you ought to do what goes well with you in your house.

  22. Untranquil says:

    If he has a full time job then your a bitch if he doesn’t then at least hes not drunk all the time, otherwise your still a bitch and hes probably a pussy for not being able to handle his shit.LoL sorry if I seem rude but honestly there seems to be more your not telling us if your not and he is a pot head who has a full time job and he doesn’t like to travel then get him to take you places that you both like even if he might like that place more(any place you both can have fun), also some people are just losers and blame it on drugs and some people use drugs just socially but aren’t losers(think social lubricant, creative stimulant, or for the loser, life sucks I cant deal that kind of shit) it sounds though your dealing with a loser type.

  23. insomn3ak says:

    It’s a problem that your husband told you he would do something, and hasn’t followed through. It’s not “wrong” or “right” to leave him…you just have to ask yourself what would work better for you and your life.

    Would you be happier without him? Do you enjoy being married? Would you ever regret divorcing him instead of coming to a different solution? There’s definitely lots of worse things your husband could be doing instead of marijuana.

    Keep in mind that 13 states have legalized marijuana for medical purposes (not just California). So you might want to rethink your stance on marijuana if your coming from the position of “it’s wrong to smoke marijuana because it’s illegal”. Within 10 years it will be legal in over half the states, and eventually the federal government will change their position as well.

  24. Rexdale says:

    if you actually love your husband you wouldnt leave him for something as harmless as weed. and you wouldnt ask such an important question on stupid yahoo questions. maybe you dont love him and this is just an excuse

  25. Tanner says:

    I was in a relationship like this. I told my girlfriend I would quit to be with her. I did quit for a while. Then when we were comfortable together, I started so smoke occasionally with friends again. She found out and was very upset. I told her I didn’t want something as stupid as marijuana to come between our relationship. I continued to smoke. She eventually became angry with me and I told her that if she would leave me over smoking marijuana then she must not love me enough to be with me. I am who I am and I don’t want to have to change. To be completely honest, it’s sad you have to ask the internet whether to leave your husband or not. If you are happy and love him when he doesn’t smoke, then most definitely DO NOT leave him. I would suggest some counseling if you are on the verge of divorce over marijuana.

  26. ge'real folks says:

    You sound controlling and manipulative. You really gave someone a condition for marriage? Now you manipulate situations to get what you want. It sounds like this was doomed from the get-go and I’m not sure I could fault your husband. Why don’t you lighten up a little, and maybe he’ll stop ignoring your irrational repeated requests. To confirm your suspicion, he probably does think you are, in fact, a joke. Additionally, he has probably stopped caring, because he can’t stand listening to you anymore. Your husband sounds like the normal one here.

  27. BumbleBeast says:

    only if you believe it’s okay to leave someone for drinking coffee. caffeine is just as powerful of a drug. it just has lesser obvious side effects.

  28. kb7834 says:

    No you should leave him he should leave you. Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn’t accept them for who they are

  29. Reno says:

    If you really love him, you would accept him for who he is, and part of who he is smokes marijuana. Marijuana is harmless. I suggest you guys talk some of these issues out, it doesn’t sound like a very stable relationship.

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