Marijuana/Stoner jokes?

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, “How much for that TV set in the window?”
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, “I don’t sell stuff to potheads.” So the stoner tells the owner that he’ll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, “I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?”
And the owner says, “I told you I don’t sell to potheads!” So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, “How much for that TV?”
The owner says, “I’m not going to tell you again, I don’t sell to potheads!!!”
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, “How can you tell I’m a pothead?”
The owner looks back and says, “Because that’s a microwave.”
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One bong hit, Two bong hit, Three bong hit, Floor
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Q. How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? A. Wave.
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Q. How many cakes needed to build a house? A. None. Alligators can’t fly
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!” The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”

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A light weight will say, “Take me home I’m stoned.” An everyday toker will say, “Take me home I’m ripped. A stoner would say, “Take me stoned, I’m home.” And the other person would reply, “Me stoned I’m too.”
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You ever hear the one about the pothead that studied for five days for a urine test?
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A woman was complaining about how the “time of the month” made her hungry. “I have the munchies, so it must be hormonal,” she said. This guy overhearing her said, “That’s funny… usually when I have the munchies, it’s home-grown-al.”
So two potheads have been charged with possession 🙁 and both plead “no contest.” The judge decides to be lenient on them and not give them any time if they spend the next 24 hours reforming evil drug users. (Must have been a first offense.) They return to the courthouse the next day and the judge asks them how many people they’ve gotten off drugs. The first guy says, “Twenty-four!” “Amazing,” says Hizzoner, since that’s about 12,000 times better than the statistics. “How’d you do it?” “Simple,” says the head. “I just show them: ‘O’ – This is your brain; ‘o’ – this is your brain on drugs.”

“Impressive,” says the judge. Turning to the second head, he says, “And how did you fare?” “Yer honor, I saved 233 souls from the bonds of the evil weed.” “And how did you manage that?” “Kinda the same as the other guy, ‘cept I told people: ‘o’ – this is your @sshole; ‘O’ – THIS is your @sshole in prison.”
LOL Barbara I’m too passed out to keep ’em coming. But, I won’t disappoint next time 🙂